"Pieces of me you've never seen"

Better Late than.....really really late?

Well I feel like I have totally abandoned my blog here.  Certainly not intentionally.  Just crazy busy life I have.  Still working 2 jobs, and school full time online.  I swear that online feels like 3 times the amount of work that you would do for traditional classes.  Brutal to say the least!  Couple new update like things....

I am down a total of 55 lbs since June.  I seem to be stuck at that number, but I have not really done anything to move that along.  I have been overweight and trying to lose these pounds for close to 10 years now.  I would always lose like 5 and then gain it back...never really making any headway.  I guess stress, this time, has worked for me.  Usually I am an emotional stuff my face kind of girl, but not this time.  I get so busy I have to remind myself to eat.  But I have this last 20 pounds to go and I will reach a goal I set for myself in 1999.  I figure if I can lose 55...then 20 should be fine...right? lol

I am seeing someone.  A really amazing guy named Ryhan.  I am crazy for him, but still trying to take things slow and build up the trust that seems to have been shattered in my brain.  It is difficult for me to hold back though with him.  He is really something special, and I am glad he has come into my life.  He is great with the boys.  Little things like showing Ethan how to make his own pizza, and showing Ethan how to cook other things, without me ever asking him too, melts my heart.  Like him going in when Lucas is crying and rocking him back to sleep for me because I am trying to get Ethan in bed.  Little things....that are HUGE.  So we shall certainly see, but I am very hopeful and feel very calm about it.  We really bring out the best in each other....always a plus.

I am really REALLY excited that Scrapbook Trends picked up a layout of mine for thier Feb 09 issue.  I am particularly excited because it is one of my favorite layouts that I have ever made.  It just feels really cool to have it out there....and he looks so stinkin' cute if I do say so myself!!

 

Hmmm Let me see what else.  OH!  I have a new best friend lol.  His name is Ben and I swear its like the best thing ever.  We started off trying to date, but that was a big NO for both of us, but it turned into this fun and great friendship.  He hates it but I always tell him he is about as gay as they come without actually liking the whole penis thing.  But its true.  He is great to talk to, dresses better than anyone I know, gives great advice, takes care of me when I am sick.  All around I am SO lucky for him!  I had a kidney infection last week and he brought me dinner and a movie and helped me with the kiddos. 

He is being quite the pimp of all pimps lately.  I told him to go on match.com (because I have always had really good luck...Hello Ryhan!) and he was bitching and moaning how no one responds and blah blah blah.  i told him to suck it up ya big BABY! and what do you know...it started raining whowho (ok that was gross sorry...) He had 2 dates in one day.  FREAK!  I told him I was totally jealous cause if he gets a girlfriend she probably won't be cool with his best friend being a girl. 

It is rare to find a chick that is totally OK with it.  Usually they say they are in the begining, but it morphs into this jealousy thing that is completely ridiculous.  So while I hope he finds someone, I still am completely selfish and a brat when it comes to the thought of losing my bud.   I just know it is coming on some level.  I am really lucky that Ryhan isn't the jealous type.  I have always been better friends with guys than with girls. 

I just always clicked easily with the men of the species.  And I have always had issues with their girlfriends not liking me or flat out asking them to not speak to me.  Oh yes...I did get that call some years ago..."sorry I can't talk to you anymore.  It doesnt matter that i am in WA and you are in FL....but she doesn't like that you call me twice a year to say hi...and it doesn't matter that we have been friends since 7th grade...I am pussy whiped and can't tell the biznitch no"  Ok so maybe not a direct quote, but that was what I heard.  Then of course they broke up and now we talk again. I am nice like that! lol.

Scary Times...

We had a HUGE scare last night.  My friend Ben was over hanging out and we heard a sound downstairs.  I thought that maybe my mom or step dad were up or something.  When we came downstairs like 2 min later the back sliding glass door was wide open.  Someone had broken into the house.  They must have heard us coming down the stairs and took off.  Ben stepped outside to see if there were any tool makes on the door and someone kind of whisper yelled "I'm Sorry! I'm Sorry! Its so cold".  Needless to say we called the police.  They didn't catch anyone, and there were not any fingerprints.  Thankfully the person didn't steal anything.  My purse was right there on the counter.  SO SCARY!!  It is so sad to think that a.) there is someone outside in the freezing cold and b.) how these desperate times drive people to things like this.  I am just so thankful that this was all it was and that it wasn't worse.  It could have been SO much worse!

downsizing

Well I have lost 45 lbs since June.  So...a new picture...of me.

 

haha....not gonna show my whole body yet.  That and its hard to take a full body shot by yourself...but you can see my face looks a little thinner.  I have 25 lbs to go to get to my goal.

Hulk SMASH....cake

So we had the whole smash cake destruction of doom phase of Luke's birthday today. 

yes those are white plastic trash bags covering everything.  I learned a thing of two since Ethan's first birthday.

Ethan picked outthe cake.....because any sane parent would NEVER allow a cake with black frosting....

slow and steady.....

mmmm tasty sweet sugar laiden goodness!  he has a twinkle in his eye....

ummm...again I did NOT choose this cake....

Had to wipe so I could see his little face!

  ok well....

This works MUCH better!  And there you have it folks  Anatomy of a Smash Cake.

Lucas is one!

I cannot believe my baby is 1 today.  It just does not feel like it  has been a year.  Craziness!  My mom, stepdad and I took the boys up into the mountains today.  Had a great day :)

 

Ethan is all into "spoooky" hanuted houses....all houses are apparently in this catagory btw.  This is his "I saw a ghost face"

Aww they actually still like each other!

Just want to kiss that face!  Happy birthday baby boy! 

super long time no write

I don't have a lot of time, but people were worried about me so I thought I would post something quick quick before I go to bed.  I haven't posted in a long time because my life has been turned upside down, shaken and then slammed down harder then great grandma's favorite snowglobe.  Trevor was gone for two months.  Things didn't go as planned for him, so I got a part time job and started babysitting 2-3 times a week to make some money. T left again, and when he came back he had decided he needed to take a different path in his life, so he left again today.  So it will be just me and the boys now.  My heart is broken, but I know that one day it will be sewn back up with a nice band-aid on top for extra measure.  My mom and step-dad will be moving in with me in Oct to help me get on my feet.  I am also in school full time, but graduate in May so please pray for me to get a good job so I can take care of my babies.  This is not where I thought I would be as I approach 30 in Nov.  I feel 7000 things all at once, scared, failure, deep sadness. But underneath is hope and faith that things happen for a reason, and that this universe has been trying to tell me something for a very long time, and the longer i chose not to listen the harder it smacked me in the face when it was time.  And on that note....some picture goodness.

 

I'm on Fire!

Well not literally of course.  Just been Scrappin' lately.  Trying to use up my stores to justify spending more later.  It's a vicious cycle.  Again.  I cannot photograph a layout to save my life.  So as per usual they are much better in person...or in my head...either way :D
My favorite:

A very goofy and pointless layout....Sometimes I think those are the best :D

Any finally.....I scrapped Ethan's first birthday.  I swear I guess I just now started to feel guilty.  Being that he is 3 and all.  I love my new photo printer....

Back to "normal"

I swear Lucas is something else.  You never would have known that he had anything done if there wasn't an inch long incision in his groin.  He has never acted like it has bothered him, and if anything has just been going a little stir-crazy because I wouldn't let him crawl everywhere and he was stuck his pack-n-play or crib.  More to keep his brother off of him than anything else.  So proud of the little booger!

So today we go back to normal.  He is all over the place, and best of all I can give him a bath tonight.  Believe me....he needs it.  There is only so much you can get off with a rag.  The kid needs a good scrubbin' and soak.

Ethan has done a pretty good job of not wrestling his brother to the ground or picking him up ala choke hold.  He just wants to be able to play with his bro so badly.  It won't be long before I can lock them in a room and have them duke it out.  As long as no one bleeds buckets we will be all good!

Now I have actually done a couple layouts.  These are the only ones I took the time to photo.  They are straight in real life...promise.  That or I am crooked :D

Update....

just a quickie.  Lucas did amazing.  I am not even exaggerating when I say he never cried.  He didn't cry when I carried him into the OR, didn't cry when he was waking up, and then he was all drowsy and smiley.  He still hasn't cried and is resting comfortably having a bottle.  More later....thanks for  your thoughts and prayers ^.^

Surgery

Lucas has his hernia repair surgery tomorrow am.  I am freaking out which is weird for me.  I usually hold things together pretty well when it comes to things like this, but for some reason I am failing miserably.  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Trevor isn't here.  I am trying to not let the kiddos see or feel how stressed i am because I don't want to upset Luke.  My stomach feels like the acid is eating right through it.  I know logically that this is a routine type of surgery and I really like the doctor and staff, but its not routine to me.  Ahh! I will be so glad when this is all over and its fixed and I don't have to think about it anymore.  I am feeling very Scarlett O'Hara here..."I'll think about it tomorrow, after all tomorrow is another day"  Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers that everything goes smooth and "routinely".